Thursday, June 4, 2009

My response to movie critics.

Dear Movie Critics,

I am not sure exactly when you lose your love for movies, but apparently it happens to all of you. It is a shame that so many of you can not just simply enjoy a movie anymore. If is any indication of your love for cinema, then you are all pretty much film snobs.

When I review movies on both the Outside the Cinema and Are You Serious podcasts, I try to think about many different factors.

1. Did I personally enjoy the movie?
2. Will audiences enjoy the movie?
3. Is it true to the genre/source material/subject it is spoofing?
4. Is it a good reboot/re imagining/sequel?
5. Is it any good at all?

Those are some of the criteria I use to determine a rating for what I will be discussing. There are some movies that I know are good, that I actually like, but will never watch again. that does not change my review of the movie.

Then, there are movies that I know only I will enjoy (for the most part.) Movies like Ultraviolet, Tank Girl, Johnny Mnemonic, Demolition Man, the Resident Evil Series. They are fun and some take a grain (or bag) of salt to watch.

Land of the Lost is not a Daivd Fincher film people. It's a Saturday morning show from 35 years ago! Is it good? I thought so. Is is box office gold? Maybe. Is it the best thing out this summer. Not at all. Did I laugh out loud the two times I've seen it so far? Absolutely.

Critics, get off your high horses. Your job is to report on the content of a movie, to tell us if we will enjoy it. Not to be snarky bitches making fun of them. Do your job correctly. Your reviews are not auditions for other writing jobs. Write a review the way it should be done.

For example:

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, your kids will love it.

That's all it takes. Here's another example.

Land of the Lost, if you like dinosaurs and laughing, this is for you.

Seriously, you are all a bunch of pretentious film snobs. It's summer. You should all know what a summer movie is about. A perfect example is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It's a popcorn movie. A big, dumb, loud, awesome spectacle. This is not the time for movies like The Wrestler or Slumdog Millionaire to be released. Calm down, you will all have your chance to indulge your snobby side come the fall.

That is all.

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